Who am I?.....The sole survivor......Death........With the wind it came............





And still I know nothing. All I retain, all I articulate is the screaming. The frantic, wrenching screaming. From the faces and from the throats. From the days and from the pain, from the love. And within the catharsis borders of the screaming lays a dripping, dying, crying eloquence. Delinquent thoughts are culled before they can breath in this reasoned, rashioned technocracy. Pouring white-wash into our mouths, the delectable drenching of our souls by the venir of illusion. Strangling the seed before the sun can caress the latent power, the lip of creation. Breathing in alienation across this factory floored nation. Into our minds for more is the white disease. For more, the beetle, the greed, the money, magic, man and man-made seed of destruction and defraction. Into us like a rapist it comes, replacing our sad eloqunce with the obscene apathy of "Have a nice day". It could be you, it could be you. Forget it all in an instant. Smothering the screaming with a buisness smile  and credit sale seeping into the victims of the labotomised caress, the destruction of the screaming to make their place seem cleaner is the grin of the corporator, the pen of the advertisor, the ink of the teacher. But, between the billboard masturbation, across highways of metalic isolaton there lies the deafening screaming of the millions wiping out the diseased pages of apathy that bleed our eloquence with words of amnesia that forgets their feeling with the anesthetic dream of the lottery, and there rises the blood of the trees, the blue of the dolphins, a rise, a hate eloquence that destroys their death dreaming. And, in there, out there, somewhere, there is a desire to speak........We're not like you. There are no T-shirts for our pain. There's been too many years, too many tears, too many fears. We came, we saw, we died. Pro Patria Mori - your old lie, your old lie. We are a non-generation, burning out on the need to know.......




The only way to gain approval is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me.





To the 1 true God above, here is my prayer: Him, just kill him, I don't care if it hurts. Wait, yes I do. I want it to. Kill him but first: make him cry like a women, no paticular women. Let him hold out, hold back that someone or other might come. - Then kill him. Kill him already kill him. Kill him, just kill him. Kill him, Amen.......I hate everyting, and the world owes me........If you forget how to feel, reach inside your chest - is that a heart beating? or is it just emptiness........I don't know what to say, you wouldn't listen to me anyway........I am the raping sunglass gaze.......I will irritate you. I'd kill to imitate you.......You know the easy targets.......I'd appreaciate it very much if you just drop dead......I've gotta leave cos you're choking me and I can't breath......I never felt alone untill I met you.......I won't be your fall-back crutch anymore......A little while ago, I didn't want to see us falling out, but everything has changed......Degrade your senses till you hate me......Oblivious to the fact that you have no spine.......I feel so good. I feel so good now I can see you're hurting.......You know you're beautiful, when you're dead.......Gratitude for your attitude, but I'm falling at your feet.......You see me how you want to see, you just see nothing at all.......You're only pretty when you're crying.......The walls come tumbling down.......Everyone has gone......I've heard the promise and confessions of good faith, and the hypocrisy that always lies within.......Swallow all the bullshit you've been feeding me for far too long. Swallow every accusation that you built your conscience on. Swallow all the pieces of a lifetime spent in  self-decline. Swallow this and I hope you choke on it.......Drug it up to give it some meaing.......When I needed someone you left me floored.......How could you respect yourself?......You're gonna pay this time for sure......Don't you think its strange the way your heart has grown so cold?.....




Your joys are counterfeit. This happiness corrupt political shit.





Life is like a box of chocolates. It's a cheap thoughtless perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you ever get back is another box of chocolates, so you're stuck with unidentifiable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an english toffee, but they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts. If you're desperate enough to eat that, all you have left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappings.......Such a rush, such a fuss to do nothing at all.......There's someone in my head, but it's not me......Teach me how to hate the things I need.......All the people who've hurt me. All the life that's left me. All the longing that lost me. All the future that scares me........Loathsome, lifeless, robotic little nothings.......What time will mend, they'll put back again.......I'm all alone.......Is there anyone out there at all?........I'm not here, this isn't happening........I've got no soul to sell. Help me get away from myself.......Somedays, I hate everyone. And I hate everything.......Whatever made you haunt me.......At 6:am, playing mind games.......Under pressure, end up snapping in the end.........You know you don't belong.......Who is right, who can tell, and who gives a damn right now?......I don't even know if I have the capacity for normal emotions or not because I haven't cried for a long time. You just stifle them for so long that maybe you lose them, partially at least. I don't know.......You'll get the loneliest of feelings that either way you turn I'll be there.......Soon he'll get to you, teach you how to get to purest hell.......Mama give me my medicine that makes me feel like a tall tree.......My whole life given over to this - a moments weakness........I'm your heroine, your absolute zero........




Underneath blue skies, beautiful empty dying.





If I could paint cancer I would throw black and red resin onto a white canvas and let it drip and merge like oceans of oil. If I could act cancer I would close my eyes and curl up like a ball. If I could sing cancer I would scream untill I tore my throat into a million shreds of severence. If I could play cancer on a guitar I would smash It through an amplifier. And If I could describe to you this terrible honesty I would ask you to look into these eyes, they tell no lies......I'm living, but I'm feeling numb. Can see it in my stare. I wear a mask so falsely numb, and I don't care........Words can cut as sharply as any blade, and those cuts leave scars upon the soul.......Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like Hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.....Life has been unfaithful, and it all promised oh so much......Is this really the way you want to live? When empty hands have nothing more to give.....I need a wide open space, it's freezing........Promises mean everything, when you're little, and the worlds so big.......Time goes by so slowly, the nights are cold and lonely.......The weak kick like straw untill the world means less and less.....All those friends you thought you had. You know they're laughing at and not with you.....When you know you can't go on 'cos everything is wrong, your heart breaks, but no-ones there.....There's nothing I could ever say that could really take the pain away......Afraid to cry even why you're alone......So you'll aim towards the sky, out of reach out of harm......I'm so tired of being afraid of you......You're a tragedy starting to happen......Whats the matter with you? You wear your monday morning face, you think I'll waste your time.....You see me how you want to see me, you just see nothing at all......You feel so empty, but I can't be your friend.....What am I for? to be hurt more?.....Sterilise rapists, all I preach is extinction......




I am purity, they call me perverted.





If you take someone's thoughts and feelings away, bit by bit, consistantly, then they have nothing left except some gritty, gnawing, shitty little instinct, down there, somewhere, worming about in the gut, but so far down, so hidden, its impossible to find.......You're so fragile tonight, been up hurting all night. You're desperate and you're hurt. Too afraid to open your eyes too see the sadness that's inside......The troubled words of a troubled mind. I try to understand - what is eating you?......So afraid to die, you never lived.......Thats why I get that hollow feeling that your hurt, that your pain don't change a thing......Belittle yourself, dreaming on a lie you keep locked inside......You always mistook fists for flowers......I just can't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes.......In the lonely hours the tears devour you......You're too afraid to touch, too afraid you'll like it too much.......You woke up first this morning. You told me you'd had a bad dream, like one never before......I know that face, It says being alive can sometimes hurt.......It hurts so bad, but in the end it's all you've got........A tortured soul. A wound unhealing........Your best intentions will leave you feeling cursed.......Stand by while all your dreams get trampled in the dust........I will bleed for you. I'll always bleed for you.......And you really didn't think it would happen, but it really is the end of the line......When I heard it for the first time I could only stand and cry. You were just a child, we were all so innocent.......You've got nothing but determination to come in third.......There's gonna be trouble, you're gonna get blown to Hell......Now I'm trying to tell you about my life, but my tongue is twisted, I'm more dead than alive.......If you think I'm too cruel, please accept it's only to be kind. I don't wish to appear so extreme, but you know my hands are tied........




Beg for mercy. Pray for war.





It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time then now? We are coming and all of Hell cannot stop us now.......Through our bleeding, we are one. Through the darkness breaks the light. Through the light unending pain. Deify the wretched ones till the darkness comes again.......This the howl, the sigh of the lonely.......Everyone is perfect, and I'm so lame......We don't count, cos we hate......Locked up in my head.......The future teaches you to be alone. The present to be afraid of cold......Call me that name and I'll hit you again......This silence sure can be real loud......Is there anybody out there please? It's too quiet in here, and I'm beginning to freeze......This is a culture of destruction......An orgy of nihilistic fury.......I won't let you play me for a fool......Growing old and growing weak. Going nowhere, future's looking bleak.......Itemise loathing and feed yourself smiles.......You can stare right through this cos there's nothing left in my heart.......Glad that its all over, cos I'm really sick of falling over........Killing my laughter, hurting my insides......Brain-dead motherfucker.......I don't like you. Want to burn you. I wish you were dead.......Sterile like a line of piss......Why walk when you can crawl?.....I am coming. I am coming through the barriers erected in your mind. Nothing will stop me......I wanna cut your eyelids off and feed you sleeping pills.......I'll feed you lines to make you smile, you're so easy to dehumanise.......We stumble in a tangled web, decaying friendships almost dead. We twist and turn and we avoid, all hope of salvage now devoid. We hide behind a mask of lies, but I can see the truth behind your eyes......The worlds nothing but a lie, and we're all going to die......Violence no redemption......You're a public joke.......Culture, alienation, boredom and despair.......I may be paranoid, but I'm not an android.......In shadows. Growing wings......




The emptiest of feelings.





Power produces desire, the weak have none.......Those who die are justified.......Children go cursing at their only cause......So don't forget, or don't pretend, its obscene now in the end........Surrounded by friends. Totally alone.......Desolation angels gazing from bedroom windows.......Little people in little houses. Like maggots small blind and worthless. The massacred innocent blood stains us all.......All these wierd creatures who lock up their spirits, drill holes in their bodies and live for their secrets.......The deafening screaming of the millions........Dancing on the corpses ashes.......The centre of humanity is cruelty.......Man kills everything.........No life at all in the house of dolls, no love lost.......The Rape of the Holy Mother........Pathetic acts for a worthless cause......Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion.......Man kills man for religion, for love, for nothing.......It's sick......Each day living out a lie. Life sold cheaply forever, ever, ever.......Real Horror Show........May as well be Heaven this Hell, smells the same.......Santa Claus is dead (I killed him).......No escape from the mass mind rape.......The poisoned and mortal wound of the civilized world.......Life unworthy fo life.......Assassinated beauty........Beauty lost, dignity gone.......All the empty souls who still despair. It's the same for everyone.......Concerned (but powerless)......The intense humming of nothing.......Deprive man of his life lie and you rob him of his happiness......Arbeit Macht Frei. - 6 million screaming souls. Maybe misery - maybe nothing at all. Lives that wouldn't have changed a thing. Never counted - never mattered - never be......Comfortably numb......Ice freezing, nature dead.......Pornagraphic and tragic in black and white.......Beauty is such a terrible thing......Say something, do nothing.......There is nothing left to say that has not been said before.......




Ultimate nihilistic love.


 


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